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Di saat kamu lagi nyoba nikmatin mania period, di mana kamu ngerasa bebas bersenang-senang tanpa beban dan sialnya, juga bebas memperlakukan orang sesuka hati kamu. Cuma itu buruknya. Dan sialnya lagi, gak enaknya dari fase mania, kamu nyakitin orang. Sampe kamu dan dia sama-sama sakit.

Temen kamu bilang, nikmatin aja fase mania kamu, toh itu lebih baik daripada kamu yang depresi. Nyatanya apa? Kamu baru menikmatinya tapi gara-gara satu masalah yang sebenernya sepele, kamu kepikiran. Kamu ngerasa kayak dikejar-kejar rentenir di mana saat itu kamu cuma punya gubuk. Rasanya tuh, kayak kamu pengennya nyerah sama Tuhan dan kamu kalah sama masalah kamu sendiri.

De javu.

Kamu ngerasain apa yang udah kamu rasain. It's depression. It's crying yourself to sleep. It's when you always pretend to be okay. It's when you fake a smile while you were talking to people. It's days when everything makes you cry. It's when you feel you are not belong here. It's the overthinking at night when nothing seems worth it anymore. It's the way you hate yourself and your life more than anybody ever could. It's like drowning. It's when you always feel useless and bothering people. It's like you are dead but actually you are alive. It's suck as fuck.

And you just do nothing, just asking your God to let you rest in peace soon, because you deserve it.

-kh.